you're stronger than you know.

We figured love would be perfect once in a lifetime, maybe even more if we're extremely lucky. We want love, we need love and we will start to look for it. Is it that simple? 
Well, we are going to give it a shot. 


If only the person walked into my life and said exactly the right words. No. I don't think it's that simple. But maybe I will try and wound myself one time more. It cannot hurt too much. 

these words are my heart and soul.

I feel like this. As if I couldn't say a word, although I know I've got plenty of things to cry out loud. I can't write anymore, or I don't know if I can because I can't start. I used to write so much, so different kinds of stories and I used to enjoy reading them afterwards - I never thought I was extraordinarily good or anything, I just liked the fact that I finally completed something by myself. 


Have they eaten my imagination? Have they taken away motivation? Who do they think they are? 


I'm not crying because I miss the life I used to have couple of years ago, because that's not the case. I'm not crying because I feel that my mouth is forced to be shut and I can't express my thoughts the way I want to. I'm crying because I LOVE WRITING. It used to be my thing. Remember when you had your thing. Those things have breaks, they shatter and they kill you inside, but usually they find their way back home again. But I've missed my thing so long time ago, I'm getting a bit desperate. Don't ask me to shut up and walk away. I have opinions, too. 


Many of those don't know them, but they exist. Just like your thoughts, your ideas and your point of views exist, my opinions are there and they are very much alive. Except that they don't reveal themselves as I wish. I have this Document1 open in my Microsoft Office Word, but there's not a single word of text written. What if this is what I really want to do, and I can't because they forced me to do something else instead? Is this the compromise people always talk about? 


Well. Let me say. I don't like compromises then. 


Otherwise, we're doing good: me and my loved ones. And since sun is shining, I suppose angels are doing good, too. It makes me happy to see them smiling every now and then. 

i know that words are not always what speak.

How would you define yourself? Are you the girl, the boy, you see when you look at the mirror? If so, why aren't you smiling? Where is the spark in your eyes, where's the trust on yourself, where's the acceptance? You should be able to like what you see, and if you're not, you are immediately claimed to be an insecure individual. It is not just about your thoughts but also the pressure that surrounds you all the time, people asking you to like yourself while they judge you. Instead, you should let only God judge you. Easier to say than to act in real life, right?


Say to yourself: I'm capable of more than it seems. I am strong, I am beautiful and I can. People don't necessarily see, who I really am inside, but I will if I want it strongly enough. You don't even have to say it. You can think, and you will know it. Your beauty is envied by so many people that they forget your personality, but you know that you have both of them - and both of them are incredible, originals and unique. 


Your smile lightens up the whole town. Your intensive look causes butterflies in someone's stomach. You drinking morning coffee wakes up the streets, exactly as you wanted to, Elizabeth Egan. 


It's your love that makes you happy. If you take love lessons, you will learn how to walk through tough times and how to enjoy the really good ones. It should be the reason why you are cheerful today, or why you are not, but after all, it is all there. Your acceptance that you learned by surprise. Your hope that you won't give up no matter what happens. And your perfection that gives you the direction how you should act. You are amazing, but didn't you already know that? 


I'm sick and tired of wining all day long. My life is fabulous just the way it is. The music makes me happy. I dream of the things that might never happen, but hey, at least they happen in my dreams. Make it real, even if it seems impossible. Walking down the aisle in ten years in the music of After Afterall by William Fitzsimmons is possible, it's not too much to be asked. Nothing is too much. Everything is there, in your life, so make it happen. 

my heart is open to the promise of a lifetime.

It's easier to stand on the edge waiting for your falling, than saving you. Easier to make promises than to keep them. Easier to lie than to tell the truth that hurts. Easier to live and suffer than to love passionately without any regrets, any limits, without expectations, hopes or compromises.


Your walls are still in a rather upright position, strongly. As you imagine them falling apart, falling above you, suffocating you and eventually killing you, you are actually killing yourself inside. Caused by various different reasons, your depression is not healthy and it is anything but straight forward.


Smile.
Make a change.
Don't expect anything so that you will not disappoint. Don't think that other people expect something they actually do not and set your goals too high.
Be brave, take risks but avoid conflicts, win people's trust, create tied friendships, secure the permanence of your wallet's content.
Walk alone outside and scream, cry, jump, run as fast as you can, be that teenage girl you have met in a rock concert wining about her miserable life cursing everyone who she saw.
Drink hot chocolate and read a book, forget your life, eventually watch Titanic or some equally sad movie so that you see that your life is not necessarily SO bad.





You love yourself.  I love you. You love people and they will accept you the way you are. Keep your heart open and be wise listening to your emotions, believe, trust and dream. You will survive. You know, it is easier to relax than to keep sulking. Goodnight!