she wants to go home.

These random seven things I like about life: 

1. The definition of love: love /ləv/
Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection: "their love for their country".
Verb: Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone): "do you love me?"

2. Christmas carols. In Finnish, in English, in Swedish (big time), in Spanish, in German... basically in every language I have heard them.

3. Evangeline Lilly's wet hair look, oh well, wet hair look overall. The beach is strongly associated with the image mentioned.

4. Yummy chocolate-raspberry cake with a real chocolate frosting on top of it and whipped cream inside. I also very much like the fact that it is as good as a sin and hence we simply cannot complain about the extra calories it brings.

5. Sharing tiny details of your life with strangers. Whether it's an Omegle conversation that never leads to a follow up, or a one-minute chat with an unknown at the night club line.

6. The moment when you realize you actually received an important, funny, unexpected or expected email that made you smile.

7. That special second of your life that makes you understand that forever exists but life is more important. That life is here and life is now. That it cannot continue if you are not ready to move on. That to spend a pleasant forever demands a well spent life.

you make me happy whether you know it or not.

fall for the stars.

There are some clichés I really need to share with you, mainly because you deserve them: 
First, life is beautiful, even when it seems to fall apart and even when the tiny details are there to ruin your day. Life is extraordinary and everyday is different, see, sometimes there is sunshine and sometimes it simply rains. Occasionally we might even experience a snow storm. Beauty lies all around you; just feel it, taste its flavors, BE IT. 


Second, you are so special. You are flawless, a simple sentence and a complicated paragraph. Your presence is essential for everyone else, and especially to that certain someone. You remain in their hearts and you keep returning to their minds, and that surely means something. Why should only everyone else be amazing, when you're equally great? Think of yourself. Be the hero of your day and preferably of someone else's day as well. 


Third, change it. Change the things you think are wrong, make the difference. And choose the person you want to be there for you, to stand next to you each moment of your beautiful life and to introduce you to his/her friends "this is the one I talked you about". 


Oh, this is because I have told way too much about myself. 

we've been on the run driving in the sun.

30. Last argument you had. 


I can't recall the real argument I have had and when was it, except that it definitely was between me and my mom. However, today we argued a bit with mom again - playful arguing though - about which colors should be in the wall of the room we're currently re-painting. When talking about decoration or makeover for the house, our thoughts alter significantly. Today, mom demanded white walls, while I wanted a bit darker color, beige or something similar. We ended up with a compromise, took the white color but decided to paint one of the walls red; that was my choice. 


All good under the sun, like a friend of mine used to say. 

run with me through rows of speeding cars.

LAST DAY! Wiuh. 


29. Something you're not proud of. 


This is not going to be any "big deal", but I'm not proud of the fact that last saturday evening I ran a red light in the center of the city. I honestly didn't notice the traffic lights until it was too late, but do you think that explanation would be acceptable for the police men? Didn't think so either. There was this cap driver behind me, but he made a turn from the same crossroad. If it had followed me, I would've caused either an accident or at least a dangerous situation with my car since I braked a bit in panic, but continued the journey anyways since I realized it was too late to stop. 
This story was lame since nothing happened, but I always wanted to be the one who says "I've never run a red light". One addition to that "no alcohol, no smoking, no drugs, no illegal stuff"-list. I am a criminal now, suck it up hahah. 

there's beauty in the breakdown.

28. An embarrassing/socially awkward situation you've found yourself in. 


I've got two pretty common ones, but the empty shell period continues so I can't come up with anything new and exciting. 
He says: "Hi" 
You answer: "Fine, and you?" .... or those several ten million times you've heard something wrong.
--
You ask: "Excuse me, where can I find juices/cheeses/jeans etc?" .... and she doesn't work there. 

you're hunting my dreams, every breath that i take.

27. Name and shame - someone's status/someone in general on Facebook that makes you cringe. 


If I remember correctly what the word cringe means, I wouldn't really say I knew any, or that I could remember any of the statuses. Well, if we can consider that cringing in a positive way, I'd say that this friend whom I don't know that well, but she always writes how close God is to her and how courage leads us to greater actions and how positive thinking makes your life worth it and all that. It cringes me, because it's very awakening, and I would like to think alike but also because the so-called plus (positive) flow that she has inside of her is unbelievable. It's endless. It shines through what she writes on Facebook. I admire it so badly, but it creeps me out how she has all that. 


I totally messed up the idea of today's challenge. This was supposed to be in a bad way, most likely. 

would you be my solid ground.

26. 5 things within thouching (I suppose this means touching) distance right now.


1. Three memory cards. 
2. An ankle ornament.
3. A pillow. No, wait, two pillows. 
4. The Bible. 
5. The biography of Immi Hellen. 


Weh, this was easier. 

i had my head among the clouds.

25. Someone you'd like to be for a day and why. 


This is so tough. My mind is an empty shell tonight, has been the whole day in fact. Hah, this is going to be  one heck of an answer, but who cares: I would like to be David and Victoria Beckham's one kid for a day. Probably the second youngest, named Cruz (had to check), because he's of quite a good age (6 years old). And why? Well, because I'd want to see the world from child's point of view once more (!), and because once I could finally decide whose kid I'd be, of course the parents would have to be both extremely good looking and (krhm) with a good fortune. 


That just sounded so superficial I can't believe I said it. Well, Cruz has a nice name, too. 

i will love you until my dying day.

24. 5 turn-ons and 5 turn-offs. 


Turn-ons
1. Sarcastic, somewhat nerdy (read: Seth/Sandy Cohen) humor.
2. Good smelling skin. 
3. Husky voice. 
4. Spanish dialects / British accent.
5. Musicians and/or dancers.


Turn-offs
1. Dirty hair.
2. Too insecure/unconfident personality.
3. Arrogant people.
4. (I'm having troubles...) People with their "hobby obsession" eg computer gamers, 7-times-a-week hockey players etc.
5. Being too narrow-minded.

you can tell everybody this is your song.

23. 5 things you want to change. 


1. I want to study harder. Be efficient. Learn the things I was supposed to, and keep updating myself in all the areas I have already forgotten.
2. Weather in winter. Please could it be any tolerable. 
3. Equality in the whole world.
4. The value of money at least in Europe and partly related to this; remove the materialism. 
5. I want time to go a little bit slower and snapshot each cute moment of my life. 

i know a place we can go to.

22. Post a bit of your last IM conversation. 


How so extremely unbelievably interesting. 

• H

  • kaikki on kuitenkin saman tien kommentoimassa mun statusta
• Hace 15 minutos

  I

  • of course mitäs sitä muuta voisi olettaakaan!
  • 
• Hace 15 minutos

  H

  • eeeei kun sun piti tykätä omasta kommentistas!
  • no mä tykkään siitä sir
  • sit*
• Hace 15 minutos

  I

  • niin tiedän ! 
  • mutta en kehtaa
  • thank you madam

• Hace 14 minutos

  H

  • tykkää molemmista ::D
• Hace 14 minutos

  I

  • tykkää säkin :DD
  • voi it's not lame at all

the sweeping insensitivity of this still life.

21. Press ctrl and v and post.


I pressed cmd and v because it's a Mac. Apparently this is from yesterday.


" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3R0RHNHaU4 "

there there baby, it's just text book stuff.

High school nostalgia. I would like to quote my favorite physics teacher's favorite saying: "Been there, done that."


(this post had no point.)

she said you don't even care.

20. Your best sexual experience / your sex life or lack thereof. 





I'm seriously regretting I even started the challenge. It's way too personal, I wanted to stay anonymous, unknown, just one in a six billion. But since I began this, I'll finish it as well. 


I'd love to say the first time, but not really - not really really really. Not at all. Hmph.


There was this way better, let's call it, occasion, when we were having a sleepover with a good friend of mine. We watched this movie and I'm trying to remember the name but I can't (the name would be significant for the story, but sorry). It was so late and we were so tired, basically sleeping on the couch. In the movie, the only sex scene was this kind of "virginal orgasm", let's say. That sweet main character, a guy, fondled the girl's skin with a rose, yes a flower, all over her body and as far as I remember, whispered some cute things, letting the girl to relax completely, but in a very sexual way. It's real tough to explain that scene, you should see it if you haven't, but the point is that... well, we smart teenage girls decided to try the same, with tiny changes. I wouldn't say it was meant to be in a sexual way, because we had zero sexual tension, zero sexual chemistry, but in a way that we would just be present in the moment, enjoying that and especially feeling the touch. 


We didn't have roses so we substituted it with some other flower that my friend's mom had on her vase, and tickled each other in the pretty dark room, and it felt good. God, I can say, it felt goooood. In a far too sexual level. 


That's all. 
I already told too much, shame on me. I am so hesitant to make this public, no one knows except me and my mysterious ex-friend. Though it was better than sex has ever been to me. 

chelsea dagger.

19. Post a picture of yourself without make-up/hair done.


I should have read all the tasks before starting to do this horrible challenge. 

Well, those were the days when my hair didn't look exactly like lion's. Eh. [this picture was taken last February I suppose]

don't tell me what you've done.

18. To do list. 


- Wash the rest of the windows
- Pack
- Clean up a room
- Find the IB lyyra whatever it's called
- Bake the chocolate cake layers
- Get abs
- Buy new underwear
- Learn how to use that phone of mine
- Call my brother to ask him when he's coming home
- Get rid of old school books
- Check out the clearest route from Gdynia, Poland to Auschwitz, Poland
- Take the graduation pictures
- Pack some more
- Marry a rich gentleman
- Call a friend I haven't spoken for a long time
- Write a letter to another one
- Check out different sorts of courses in Spain


At least. 

now tourists come and stare at us.

17. Something you regret.


Hah, I'm giving something rather unnecessary for entertainment, if that even was the purpose for the existence of this blog. I regret a bit, quite a lot the fact that I waster 110 euros for the gym membership during the summer 2011 and I didn't use the gym a single time. I regret it because I loved those Zumba lessons or Les Mills concept work outs, and it would've been great to be in an excellent shape in the fall. Perhaps I regret it at the moment even more than I used to or more than I will, because all I want to do is go and run for two hours outside of this house and feel the air. Thank you health.

you are beautiful in every single way.

16. A drunken story. 


I would, but I can't share any. Tried to come up with something that a friend would've had said, but I cannot remember anything. I guess I was too drunk. I have my moments of naturally drunk. For those who do not know, no alcohol for me. 

just a song cut off halfway.

15. Lyrics that apply to your current situation/mood. 


Struggling between this one and Amanda Seyfried's Little House, but some said Little House is about love that never worked, so I'll rely on Kate Voegele. Every song is a misery itself. And I am mainly a mess blaming the medication and its consequences, but in fact feeling better than the lyrics express.

It's the start of something brand new
It's the start of the closing line
With the door cracked an inch or two
Do I dare set my foot inside?
Do I love you then lose you
Or do I put my trust in time?
Do I let myself refuse to count on a fateful dream of mine?

Within me
It tugs on
My heartstrings
And I know
It's just a sky of silver gray
Just a narrow passageway
Just a song cut off halfway
Just another Monday rain

Would I spend a week in the heart of the city
In the center of your heart?
For a flash of fame before I'd lose the game
And be stuck on the outskirts, back at the start

There's no price I would not pay
For the superlative insured
So I'll light the candle, hope it does not melt away
But what if patience brings reward?

Within me
It tugs on
My heartstrings
And I know
It's just a sky of silver gray
Just a narrow passageway
Just a song cut off halfway
Just another Monday rain

Raining harder now - Raining harder now - Raining harder now
Within me
It tugs on
My heartstrings
My heart sings
This anthem - Of misery
Is it consequence - Or providence - I'm on the fence
Of imminence - And nothing to gain - Drenched in the Monday rain

(Kate Voegele - Monday rain)

i'll be on my way to live eternally.

14. Something disgusting you do. 


I don't - always - immediately change my clothes after a sweaty jog / work out. This has to be enough. 

i see myself like my mother does.

13. Name one person off tumblr you'd throw off a cliff, one you'd marry and one you'd shag. 


I'm going to name tv characters, because in real life, I could probably only name the last one (hah).  One I would throw off a cliff is Luke Ward from The O.C. It was extremely hard to find even an unreal character to throw off a cliff, but I choose Luke Ward for the reason that his character was probably one of the most unnecessary ever in tv history. The glamour boy with super annoying face, the most irritating personality and a complete waste for any minute on tv. Same applies for Matt Donovan from Vampire Diaries, no offence. 


One I'd marry is definitely Jess Mariano from Gilmore Girls. I've never met any character like Jess. It's not just his absolutely gorgeous looks, his personal style or the unbelievable skill of sarcasm but also the sweetness he proved he had while dating Rory Gilmore. His love was so real. 


One I'd shag (ah that word makes my ears bleed) would be --- just to say, this was the toughest one, there are PLENTY --- Shane McCutcheon from The L Word. I thought saying something a bit less obvious would be refreshing, although Shane is of course every man/woman's dream. Difficult to choose from Damon, Klaus, Tyler and a bunch of other Vampire Diaries hotties, Shane is what she is. Simply incredible and ridiculously sexy. 

could we fix you if you broke.

12. Something you're currently worrying about. 


Let's keep it simple: I'm worried that this sickness will continue too long so that I can't do the things I want to during next week and the week after that. No, Doctor, I doubt I have a mononucleosis, you could stop laughing now. 

they violently fill my room.

11. Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for 10 years or someone you hate for a month? Keep in mind you gotta survive. Discuss. 


This is a tough one, but I know my answer. I'm a genuinely positive person and I could handle a month with the person I very much dislike (hate is a strong word), because I think the real problem would be the survival itself. This would be of course with the condition that after we get out of the island, it'd be possible for me to spend as much time with the person I love as I want to - and she/he would be there. 


The problem is that I don't really have anyone I hate at the moment, at least not too strongly so I might not know how it feels like to truly hate a person. However, 10 years in an island would be forever, and forever is too good to be wasted in constant thinking of "how can we survive". Obviously the person I love would turn more and more annoying over time, if we consider the situation in reality. Therefore I'm holding on to my thought of rather be on a desert island with someone I hate for a month. Month is only four weeks, 30 days, not too many hours from which you can sleep the most. 

kiss me slowly.

10. One thing you've lied about. 


Just one? This could be easy, considering there are many things that have turned out to be white lies - not that I'm proud of any of those "I was at home around 12pm" when I really came home at 4 o'clock etc, but I'm going to reveal something that only rare people know about. 


All my childhood close friends think my first kiss was, let's call him, A, when I was sixteen. To make it clear, A was somebody that none of my friends ever met, because he lived so far away. Honestly, he wasn't the first one. I had kissed (actually several times) this guy, let's say, E, couple of years before my secret A even came to the picture. E was my first real crush, one year older than me, a man I thought I would hang out until the end of the world. Well, the end of the world came when new school began and we haven't spoken ever since. My friends didn't know about E, because I was a bit ashamed of it, completely due to the fact that everyone knew him. Nowadays we don't talk too much about first kisses and stuff like that so it's easier to forget about him (not necessarily a positive thing). I sort of miss him, too. Aww. 

i think i like you too much.

Come and visit my beach, please. I said please.

if there's nothing missing in this life, then why do these tears come at night.

9. Something that makes you sad when you think about it.


I have covered most of these things in this blog before so I'll just simply go for the one goodbye. Which should be a see you again. I'm all excited to go to Spain, to move out from this country, but at the same time, it is going to be incredibly difficult to find better friends than I already have. I have the loveliest friendships in the world. It makes me happy, but it makes me so sad, because this - in two weeks - is the end to one period in my life and the beginning for a new one.


Honestly I'm afraid of this and hence it makes me sad:

i feel good.

[I might be a bit late for today, but who cares.]


7. Things you like/don't like about the way you look. 


Hmm, always a tough one, but I suppose everyone thinks of these things. Let's start with the negative ones so that my cheerful mind will gradually come back. I don't like the shape of my head - not that it's too rare or anything, but I always dreamt of skinny oval shaped face (not bony or like that, but still a clear oval). I don't like my stomach at the moment, because I haven't been working out too much lately. Well, this clearly means - referring to my previous stories - that I haven't spent so much time alone. That's a pity. I don't like my chin line, nor do I love my slightly girly curves from which I heard some real positive feedback the other day... Appreciated, but inside-a-boy wants to look outside more boyish than girlish! Change of style in consideration as well. 


I guess those are the most obvious ones I don't like. What I like about my looks is my eyes, of course. Big, blue panda eyes. I also like my natural hair color, which I'm trying to grow back and so far it seems to be working. I like my toes (laugh), at least sometimes, and therefore had to mention that. Furthermore, I like my lips because they're dad's lips. I also like the fact that I don't care too much how I look like, but that I don't like the tramp style either. 


8. Your last night out in detail.


This would make a this night out then, rather I'd call it an evening out. I was with Jenni, who I was about to meet approximately 6pm at the center. I wasn't late, but Jenni was so early so she called me where I was. I said I'm coming, will be there in any minute, and she said she'll walk a bit. I saw her in the traffic lights and I was supposed to check the watch to know whether I should apologize for being late. Then I dropped a 20€ note, and of course it was windy so I tried to run to catch it with my high heel shoes (can you think about it, me wearing high heels and running, must've been hilarious). Some gentleman caught it for me, fortunately, I thanked him politely, half crying and half dying to the laughter, and he sounded surprised as he replied "no problem". Embarrassed in front of all those people, I tried to avoid eye contact, and run to Jenni's to give her a hug. 


We chatted and walked to the theater that we were about to enter. This "palace" place was fantastic and not really our scene, but we had done the best by putting our prettiest dresses slash skirts+shirts on. The place was rather confusing so we decided to ask for help, and got a lovely "this is your table"-service from there. The performance, this musical called Blues Brothers, began a bit late, but it was excellent. The plot wasn't too good, but the acting, the songs and the atmosphere was marvelous. After the show, both full of excitement, we were like a single mind deciding that we need some food, some pizza. Before that, we had to pick up my little brother, and brought him (to his) home, but we also ended up taking some photos of the two of us. The pizzeria was about to close so we took another one, with not-so-good pizza, but a cool place. We had pizza-to-go and went to the harbor, sat there in the car, gossiping and eating pizza. I drove her home at around 11pm, picked up my lil brother again and drove home with him. 


[this was long. too long. sorry]